Weight Watchers, or Self-Disappointment

The other day Mike and I met up with some friends at an Ypsi bar. We hadn't seen a few of them in a while, and one of them, the wife of my coworker, looked great--half the size she'd been before, it seemed. She went on to explain that she'd lost 30 lbs on Weight Watchers. All present extolled the virtues of Weight Watchers (as they'd heard from those who had completed it). I, however, slunk back into my chair.

Why? I too had once lost 30 lbs on Weight Watchers. I'd been ecstatic. I'd sworn I'd be one to keep it off. And here I was, having gained almost all of it back. 

Every few months I look at myself in the mirror, or check my weight on the scale and say, "OK, enough's enough--it's time to get back on Weight Watchers." I mean, I've kept my online membership for two years now; it's kind of like I've never actually been OFF of it. But I start tracking points again, begin feeling guilty about the food I'm eating, find myself unable to actually give up the food I want to eat, start tracking less--until I'm not longer tracking at all. And the weight, she keeps on rising. 

I wish I was a naturally active person to counteract this food love I have an ongoing problem with, but I'm not. 

So I'm stuck in this same cycle, and the people I love make veiled comments to me like, "maybe you shouldn't eat that," or "you snack an awful lot," or "how can you still be hungry? you just ate," or even, "you should exercise, then it would balance out how much you eat," and I get angry and resentful and--guess what?--eat more. 

I know Weight Watchers works, because I've done it. I know it's not that painful. But it is an awful lot of thinking constantly about your food, which I already do enough of. I am food obsessed. 

I suppose I should either admit that I've failed Weight Watchers and cancel the membership ($16.95 a month!) or I should get back on the horse. 

I just don't want to make that decision.